That's right - today, we're going to talk about the 5 things you can do to NOT get a deal. So, I guess that means if you do the opposite, then you will get a deal, huh?

#5 work with people you can't help

If you don't want a deal, you absolutely want to try to work with people that your product or solution doesn't help. I mean, if they need a clock and you're selling a water bottle, then you definitely won't be able to help them. The more time you spend with people you can't help, the less time you'll spend with the people who do need your help. It's a foolproof way to not do business, right?

#4 spend all your time talking about yourself

On the off chance you do run into someone that you can help, do everything you can do to make it about you, not them. The more you talk about you and how great you are, the less likely they are to realize they have a problem you can solve, right? That way they don't like you, and we all know no one buys from people they don't like.

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#3 don't ask them any questions or tell them any stories

For goodness sake, if you do end up on a topic that might help your prospect, don't ask them any questions to help them realize you have a product that can solve their problem. And definitely don't tell them stories about how your product can help them, or has helped other people in their situation. What are you, a salesperson or sales engineer?

#2 prove you can't solve their problem, or at least make it look that way

If none of that works and they still want to try your product, do everything to show them that your product isn't a good fit for them. Show them every bug. Sabotage their evaluation, make your product intentionally slow. Or better yet, be so slow that they get the impression that your product is hard and complicated. If they're doing the eval themselves, don't give them access to instructions, guidance, or walkthroughs. And definitely recommend a full production configuration to show off even the most basic capabilities.

#1 don't ask for the sale

When all else fails, just don't ask for the deal. Refuse to close. Don't send them paperwork. Give them a ridiculous, above list price. Whatever you have to do not to close the deal. I bet you can come up with 15 different ways not to ask for the sale - try them all!

Okay, so obviously this is a bit tongue in cheek, but it was fun, right?

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